Where the heck have you been, Ames?




Hey Guys! I'm back. Are you shocked?
 


I fell off the map for a few reasons which I will get into in just a second. I also have a cool announcement to share with you guys so stick around for a minute.

Since I hate clickbait and am impatient, here's a treat at the very beginning! I fell in love with a new project. I'm not giving out details on it yet, but here's a teensy tiny excerpt... Just because I love you guys!
😘


~~~~Excerpt~~~~


"Laughter is potent magic," he said, gliding between the twin trunks of a cedar. "It bounces off of beings and things, taking a piece of them and creating something completely new."
"Does all laughter create?" I said, keeping pace with him.

"Yes." His mouth clamped into a hard line for a moment before he continued, "When a person laughs in cruelty, that source is infused into the sound and it becomes its nature. It's like a whip then. A hard crack that peels a part off of everything it touches, trying to feed itself before it dissipates." 

His eyes were blank, like he focused on something far away. "I suppose that’s why a child’s laugh is the most powerful magic there is. It carries the greatest potential when it comes from joy innocent of evil or harm." 

He stopped then, hovering for a moment on his gossamer wings. "And that's the whole problem with the child that is about to be born."


~~~~Back to the Blog~~~~






So, Ames. Where the heck have you been? You haven't posted anything in almost 2 months!

True. So here's the deal, my friends. That post kind of completely changed the game for me.


1) I got more attention than I know what to do with. 


Blogging has always been something that I do more for fun, to connect with people, and for professional development rather than for a platform or to grow an audience. I want to practice not only writing, but letting people SEE what I write (Many writers that I know have a harder time with the sharing than with the writing. ::raises hand::). 

In my last post, I shared something that was extremely personal and important to me. My words have never left me so vulnerable. I tend to play things close to the vest even when my face betrays everything. I didn't really hold back (scary) and I had 200 views (Wow...that's a lot for me) and had 40 comments (um... I didn't realize anyone was really paying attention) spread across several social media platforms. And all of that happened in a little under 24 hours.

Those are not ridiculous statistics, but it's also, not the shadowy cavernous void that I thought I was shouting into. Which means I did the most logical thing that I could have done in that moment. 
I. 
Freaked. 
Out. 

I shut down my computer. I stopped updating the blog. I basically disengaged from all social media and pretended like it didn't happen because: 
Extremely vulnerable+ more visible than I realized= Run. or at least, it did.

I am the absolute stereotype of the creative individual with stage fright (Note to self: put re-watching Coyote Ugly on the calendar for this weekend). 

So....I'm sorry. I am genuinely sad that so many people reached out and shared compassion and personal stories with me and I ghosted almost everybody. I am sad that I missed the opportunity to connect with you. Thank you to everyone that was supportive or vulnerable. I appreciate you. I know that I really failed to show it. 



2) I said what I needed to say...which killed Winded Embers



In my last post I shared a bit about my history of abuse. That part of my personal history was very central to the plot of Winded Embers. And what I learned in that process was that I needed to tell my story, but that I 1) didn't need to tell it for 100,000 words, and 2) it didn't really deserve to become a whole book. 

A 1200 word blog post was enough. I am done with that story and it is done with me. That is good news because the manuscript was an underdeveloped overworked disaster that was not much closer to being a book than a blank piece of paper would be (ask any of my beta readers they will corroborate).   

So Winded Embers is over. I have the file on a jump drive in my safe at home. But that safe may as well be a graveyard. I have grieved it. Now, I feel like a great burden has been lifted off of me. 

3) Which made me question why I am doing all of this...and How I will do it from here on out.



Immediately, I found myself with a dilemma. I was a writer without a book to work on who didn't want to be noticed by anyone. (Yes, I know how publishing works BTW).

Did I still want to write?  or did I just want to lean into my editing career? (spoiler alert: I do want to write. I have already outlined my next book and laid down an attainable production schedule.) 

Could I even justify writing when a couple hundred views made me go recluse like a J.D. Salinger wannabe? (umm... that's the harder part)


Which leads me to the announcement I mentioned at the beginning: I have created a Ko-fi page! 



I LOVE blogging. I really enjoy sharing short stories and reading your feedback. I get better with the practice of habitually writing. I get a little braver every time I share something and the world doesn't end. 

But I need a bit of a safety net. I need to restructure my blog in a way that lets me share things openly with everyone. But I also need a method for sharing the more vulnerable things with people who I know are in my corner. 

Also, I have had people tell me they want to encourage and support me and that I need to let them (which is, come to think of it, as crucial to what I shared in my last post as it is to my journey as a writer). That is so kind and wonderful and amazing and thank you. So, I finally am giving you the option. I have had people ask me to set up a Patreon/ ko-fi page, so here I am saying it in print, in public, *You were right. This is really fun.*

So I have created a ko-fi page.

There's a bunch more that I want to say, but for now, head over there, look around and see
 how it works: https://ko-fi.com/ameskaras 






 




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